Thursday, November 22

The South American Loophole

Honestly, if a retailer's not open by 7AM Friday, why bother?

I suppose getting the "weekend only" edition of the local paper entitles me to mid-week holidays, too. So, this morning I waddled out to the front yard to fetch the paper, and quickly noticed that the ads outweighed the news - by a substantial amount. They could have saved their money with me, since the last place I'll be tomorrow is anywhere near a B&M.

As usual, they're outdoing each other to see who can open the earliest on Black Friday. This year, the prize goes to Circuit City, who will open from 9PM-Midnight tonight. Sure, you purists will say "but that's cheating! - it's still Thursday" but I say "Huzzah! for thinking out of the box". As Everybody Knows(tm), 9PM Central Time is midnight in Santiago and Buenos Aires (both are in America, albeit South), so it appears the Circuit Cityfolk are taking advantage of the average Texan's ignorance of geography.

Anyway, according to the ads, here are the opening times for those stores who didn't take advantage of The South American Loophole:
4 AMJC Penney; Kohl's
5 AMBest Buy; Circuit City; Fry's; Linens-n-Things; Old Navy; Pepboys; Sam's Club; Sears; Toys-R-Us
5:30 AMDick's Sporting Goods; Sports Authority
6 AMBed Bath & Beyond; JoAnn Farbics; Macy's; Radio Shack; Target
7 AMAcademy; Burlington Coat Factory; GameStop; OfficeMax; the great indoors; Ulta; World Market
Note that I'm simply ignoring anyone who opens at 8AM - like that's early.

Observation: two sporting goods stores - Dick's and Sports Authority - bucked the even-hour trend and will open at 5:30. Their rival - Academy - doesn't open until 90 minutes later. By then, the shelves at the former will surely be barren, with nothing left but mismatched pairs of Chinese-made tube socks.
Everybody Knows is a trademark of the state-run media (Fox "News"); Rush Limbaugh Productions; and the Christian Fascist Republican Party.

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