fun! with spam

Spammers must be, on average, even more stupid than the average Republican Party Lackey.

Today, while sipping my morning coffee, I took a (very) few minutes to look at one email account which has become a spam trap. I originally used this account only for a job search, so all the spam came as the result of my resume being Out There. Since I'm not currently in the job market, this account serves no other function. In the past 4 days, it attracted 182 emails; all were trapped by the spam filter (my settings are to relegate anyone not in my Address Book as a spammer).

Of the 182 messages, I looked only at the Subject lines for a breakdown:

43 - sex      (either "make me a stud" or "viagra spelled N different ways")
38 - health   (mostly innocent stuff like "want to be healthy?")
37 - nebulous (random words)
30 - cheap medicine
24 - credit   (most say TransUnion; Experian; Equifax or FICO)
 7 - name     (my name is in the Subject: line)
 3 - get rich quick

It's worth noting that I didn't read the body text of ANY of these. People who want to reach me are in my Address Book. Even if someone acquires that list, odds are very high that the spam filters will trap the message due to content alone. Legitimate senders may have to resort to a phone call to advise me that an email is en route, but resending is trivial (for all but AOL newbies).

Memos to spammers:

1-Your messages are not reaching me.

2-You are throwing your money away - the only one making any money is the guy who sold you the list. By the way, 98% of the addresses have been abandoned due to excess spam, anyway. You're paying good money for a list which contains only 2% live addresses, and I'd guess that 90% of that 2% (get our your calculator - if you can operate one) will be trapped by spam filters. Your odds at even getting anyone to read your message - much less respond - is starting to look very, very remote. Then again, you never were any good at math.

3-You'd be better off playing the lottery -- which is for other people who Can't Do Math, either.

4-You'd do much better putting the money you're paying for the spam list into a savings account at 2%, but since you didn't pay attention in school, I don't expect any of you inbreds to understand this.

Spam™ (the capitalized one) is probably a trademark of Hormel Foods, who produce fine meat products. No harm intended, guys.