Thursday

Wow .. what an exciting day I had.

First: I replaced a burned-out brake light, but it took two trips to the auto parts store to get it right. Turns out there's a brake light, and then there's an almost-brake light. Now, I have a spare of each. Now, where can I put them so I'll find them again when I need them -- in the beer fridge? Maybe I should put them among the other automotive trinkets I've collected over the years?

Second: I attended a meeting of a nearby homeowners association .. it's an area that's become attractive to recent immigrants due to low home prices. The people who've lived there for years don't care for some of the "casual maintenance attitude" of the newcomers, and they're planning a crackdown. The speaker made note to say "this is not a cultural issue, or a race issue" and maybe he's right -- the newcomers shouldn't park their trailers on the front lawn, or toss their used mattresses onto the curb 24x7, or have 13 cars in a 2-bedroom home, regardless of their native country.

Third: I remembered to post the updated Sundry on Thursday. Please, control your applause.

terror amidst the skyscrapers

I attended a meeting that started at 7pm in downtown Dallas. A fast-moving storm was en route from Fort Worth, but I'm guessing not all attendees Got The Memo about the change of weather. So, when the first thunderbolt hit (around 8pm) quite a few people looked around, wondering if we'd just been Struck By Terra-ists. I'm guessing those were the Republicans, who have been conditioned to Find Fear In Everything, All The Time. Several of us who Did Get The Memo sorta sighed and waited for the speakers to continue.

Judy Bob and I ran into one of their ilk last night at a local restaurant; the guy was pseudo-proud that his sole source of information is the Fair & (Mentally Un)Balanced Fox "News" Channel, and he was shocked that we didn't see the ACLU as a 12-headed monster bent on Destroying Us All. After all, Everybody Knows™ that To Be An American Is To Be Afraid, All Night Long.

Bonus Quiz #7: What are the Statistically Improbable Phrases in this blog entry?

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Everybody Knows is a trademark of Fox "News"; Rush Limbaugh Productions; and the Christian Fascist Republican Party.

Darwin will be proven right .. again

No one (apparently) died in Texas as a direct result of Hurricane Rita. As a result, the next hurricane to hit us will kill hundreds (if not thousands) of Texicans. Why? Because the Rocket Scientists (no offense, NASA-Houston) will say

"why, remember when Hurricane Rita hit in September of `05? Ah tried to git outta town, but traffik was backed up fer mahls an mahls, and there warn't no gas nowhuhres .. I shoulda staid hoam!"

and The Next Time they will stay home, and they'll all die. This is what Darwin referred to as Natural Selection (the antithesis of Intelligent Design).

yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away

Well, today's the day for The Weather Event (Hurricane Rita), and all indications are that it'll be A Big Snoozer here in Dallas. I've done my Due Diligence .. waddling into the yard, looking for anything that might blow away during a moderate wind (35mph). That amounted to about 3 things: wind chimes; wind spinner; lawn chairs.

10am : nary a drop of rain, and the winds are from the north @~5mph?

11am : spotted the Rita-related blogs on the Houston Chronicle site

2pm: went outside to fetch the snail mail. wind ~15mph? (no rain)

3pm: wind picked up: 30mph?

5pm: wind ~5mph (no rain)

5:20pm: I check the AccuWeather website, and it's now showing Tropical Storm Rita leaving Texas for Arkinsaw and Mifipi. I reckon' Rita decided not to stall over east Texas after all, and is now taking the long way to New Orleans.

a simpler time

I finally got around to Shaving The Beard today, and then called Bruce The Barber and asked if he'd had any Rita-related cancellations. Indeed, he had.

"There's an opening in 2 hours," he said. "Can you make it?"

You betcha. A barbershop's a good place to be when Something Big is on the way. You can hear the (sometimes weird) opinions of others as they come in, sit down for a cut, and tell their views about Stuff to anyone who will listen can overhear.

I heard about the woman who ran into Sam's Club yesterday with her dire prediction of impending doom: "There ain't agonna be no gas tomorrow!" she shouted (to no one in particular), and then she ran back outside, into the cultural abyss that is Addison.

I listened as several patrons groaned when they heard that Dallas may only get 2 or 3 inches of rain out of Rita's fury. They appeared to be hoping for an instant cure to the recent dry spell. Memo to the clueless: a hurricane is overkill for a drought.

Another of The Cutters said that, yes, indeed .. they've had Katrina Refugees from Louisiana come into the shop(pe) for a cut. "They talk funny," the cutter said, in her finest Texas ta-wang. I asked her if sales of hairspray would skyrocket, now that so many Rita-refugees from Houston are in town, and she affirmed: "yes, that'll probably happen" without understanding the joke*

* Houston women (in particular) love to keep their Big Hair maintained with an unnaturally large amount of hair spray. I suspect it has something to do with that city's (in)famous Humidity.

Alas, it was time to Pay The Piper and make my way home, past the long lines at the gas station where the marquee said "REGULAR $2.79". One day, I will look back upon this as A Simpler Time. Until then, I must feed Beta the Wonder Dog, lest she eat my carcass while I sleep.

the view from 300 miles north

News item: the deadliest natural disaster in US history was the 1900 hurricane that hit Galveston, Texas. There was no accurate death toll, but it was well above 5,000 people.

Fast forward 105 years ... per the Associated Press:

The last major hurricane to strike the Houston area was Category-3 Alicia in 1983. It flooded downtown Houston, spawned 22 tornadoes and left 21 people dead.

to which President Quagmire is reported to have smirked:

Bring it on!
You're doin' a heckuva job, Rita!
Mission accomplished!

President Quagmire then returned to playing with His Silly Putty™, just outside the watchful eye of His PuppetMaster™, Karl Rove.

Deep Thoughts #72, 73 and 74: I wonder how many photo ops they'll be staging in Texas? Will President Quagmire bring out His chainsaw, and go to work cuttin' the downed trees? Will He say anything in Spanish to the Mexicans who lose their El Caminos?

As to what happens here in Dallas, the latest guess is that Rita's remnants will wind up a hundred or more miles east of here, but then stall early in the week. Hence, we may get some strong winds Saturday evening and then rain for several days after that. Fortunately, my home is perched high atop Mount Dallas so the chances of seeing me waving from a rooftop with Beta the Wonder Dog by my side is slim-to-none.

Hey, at least Sundry on Thursday's been updated!

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Disclaimer: this hurricane prediction, should you choose to accept it, will be disavowed by The Wonder Pets. This blog entry will self-destruct in 48 hours. Good luck. {queue hissing sound}

inhale, now hold ...

A few weeks ago, after Hurricane Katrina blasted New Orleans, a fundamentalist Christian group ("Repent America") said the hurricane was sent because of the approaching "Southern Decadence" (gay) festival, scheduled for Labor Day weekend.

Now that Hurricane Rita's about to blast the Texas coast, I wonder what good ole' Repent America will have to say about us Texicans? Probably that we deserved it for electing President Quagmire ("the incarnation of Satan in America") to a second term, huh?

Pardon me, while I hold my breath, waiting for their press release ...