Clarification and Enhancement of Subtle Nuances

I studied the 32-page Memorandum of Understanding between the candidates, and (since I have significant background) I'd like to offer some suggestions to the Commission on Presidential Debates for a Clarification and Enhancement of Subtle Nuances to the Memorandum of Understanding, before the next debate.

5. Rules Applicable to All Debates

(m) Candidates spouses must disclose their wardrobe choices no less than 72 hours prior to the debate, so that they do not clash onstage in a fashion faux pas.

(n) Candidates shall refrain from humming; giggling; chuckling; sniffling; coughing; cackling; wheezing; guffawing; whimpering or saying "Bhou-Zhee!". Flatulence is permitted as long as it does not exceed 35 decibels.

(o) At no time may the candidates roll their eyes toward the back of their heads more than 15 degrees from the horizon.

(p) Candidates are prohibited from placing either thumb against their nose and wiggling their fingers.

(q) Candidates may smirk no more than twice (2) per rebuttal.

(r) After the moderator asks a question, either candidate has the option of answering the question, or singing "Jimmy Crack Corn" or "It's A Small World", not to exceed two (2) minutes. Musical accompaniment is limited to a pocket-size device such as a harmonica or metronome. iPods are not permitted.

(s) Candidates should refrain from using potentially misunderstood colloquialisms such as "you betcher bottom dollar!"; "that dog won't hunt"; "big hat, no cattle"; "mama let's get yer grits on the stove"; "pyeu-whee! that'll make yer `maters rot"; "hoo Betty .. is it hot in here or is it just me?" and "you can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn't make them biscuits".

(t) Candidate shall wear either red or blue neckties corresponding with the Political Party Colors in use by CBS News on The Big Map during the 2000 General Election.