Stupid Human Tricks

One of my favorite Stoopid Human Trick stories is about the Benihana chef from Alabama. A Japanese friend from a small town in California was visiting me (years ago) and she wanted to go to Benihana; fine. The actor/chef was from the Deep South (I assumed Alabama) and was trying to fake a Japanese accent. I don't know which was more hysterical - his failed attempt at the fake, or the fact that he assumed we couldn't tell this pasty-faced Goober wasn't really Japanese. I have since tried to mimic him, but I can't do it. Hey - you try mimicing a Southern Boy faking a Japanese accent (my mouth refuses to bend that way). I think of this every time I see the trailer for The Last Samurai, starring Tom Cruise (hint: he's as Japanese as I am).

Another story concerns a 90-minute flight I took, when I sat behind a 20-something German couple, very much in luv. He'd lean over to her and whisper (what sounded to me like) Ghhfhg-hhhzt-kfth and she'd lean over to him and say something similar, an octave or so higher. It was all I could do to avoid bursting out in laughter. Lesson learned? German is not the Language Of Love (exception: "Liebchen")

then there's this view of my realtor-in-NYC friend's day. Her name has been changed, to protect the innocent. She schedules appointments in 15 minutes intervals, all day:
(door opens, queue NonStopNewYorkAccent) hiya, I'm Sandy Well Whaddaya Think? What a view, Huh? You like the place? You want it? Listen I got another appointment Hey whassamatter I Ain't Got All Day Here Time's A Wastin' Okay If You Can't Make Up Your Freakin' Mind Just Cwoll Me Here's My Card Gotta Run! Toodles!! (door closes)

GoogL'ost: Oh Joy! Movie Trivia - Film Facts

If You Drop It, Should You Eat It? Scientists Weigh In on the 5-Second Rule, Phyllis Picklesimer, September 2003