there's a truck on the phone, backing up ...

what a great way to start the day.

minutes after 8am, the phone rings. CallerID shows the name of a business (not one with which I do business). "I wonder what they want?" .. so I pick up the phone.

Beep. (pause)
Beep. (pause)
Beep. (pause)
Beep. (pause)
Beep.

{sigh} I recognize that sound: it's a Group III fax machine, trying to shake hands with One Of Its Own Kind. A Bonehead has mis-digited the number (I have never had a fax machine on that line).

This mis-digiting has happened before. I know what will happen next. The remote fax will try automatically redialing until it gets very, very tired. It does not know it has reached a wrong number (in this case, my home voice line). It doesn't care. It is persistent, and will redial. Again. And again. And again. And again.

Hmm, I thought. There are two ways in which I may defeat it:

OPTION A

Plug my fax machine into the line they dialed, and accept the fax. Then again, there may be URs (unforeseen Ramifications). (begin tangential roll)

1. would it be a one page fax, or 80 pages?
2. what if I cut it off after the first 79 pages? Perhaps someone is trying to send the original manuscript to War and Peace (a mere 1472 pages).
3. if I interrupt, will the sender try again?
4. can I take a loan against my 401(k) to afford the fax machine supplies (paper, film cartridges)?
5. will the fax be someone's private medical file (something I can sell on eBay for millions?)
6. what if the sender remembered to put a disclaimer on the cover page, ordering me to destroy a fax if I was not the intended recipient? could I ignore that order, and still sell it on eBay?

My thought processes were disturbed: it's trying again. {sigh}

Beep. (pause)
Beep. (pause)
Beep. (pause)
Beep. (pause)
Beep.

My fax machine gets very little activity: maybe 2 faxes a month. The film cartridge affords me good quality, but is pricier than some other solutions. The machine is about 5 years old, which means that shopping for a replacement cartridge will be an exercise in futility (even though it's a name brand - Panasonic - the supplies will be out of stock/out of production). This is The Joy that is Planned Obsolescence. I hate shopping for fax cartridges more than printer cartridges.

Deep Thought #45: When Gene Bob becomes King, there will be one brand of fax cartridge, and one brand of printer cartridge. Not 473 of each.

Okay. All done. The fax machine's hooked into my voice line. As luck would have it, a real voice call arrives -- about 30 seconds after I plugged in the fax machine. Argh! My friend got an earful of that infernal truck backing up.

Then there was OPTION B: somehow get a message to The Bonehead that they dialed a wrong number. Maybe, just maybe .. the CallerID is not the number of a switchboard, but is the actual fax machine. I dialed the number. Beep. Beep. Beep. Hmm .. me thinks it's worth a try.

So, I grabbed a blank piece of paper and wrote in BIG BLACK LETTERS:

"972-867-5309* IS NOT A FAX!"

* (you know what I mean)

and faxed it to the number on the CallerID. Surprise, surprise, surprise! It worked! The line receded to silent bliss. Downside: I won't be able to sell (on eBay) whatever they were faxing. {sigh}